Day 827 What you sow, you shall also reap

I continue to have my daily ups and downs. Working through this season of my life so far from home and essentially doing it alone, has been, well...very lonely.

It's not that I am not surrounded by lovely people, awesome colleagues, tremendous students, and a wonderful, caring administration. Heck, the Chinese people, by and large, are exceptionally friendly and helpful.  The struggle is always the getting from here to there.  Not two weeks ago I could feel myself sinking to a true clinical depression.  As a clinician, I know the symptoms. I was THIS CLOSE to ticking the boxes to five of the nine symptoms, and giving my doctor here a call. However, I know my depression is primarily situational, complicated by grief.

It's not my nature to give in.

I simply have refused to cave.

I am a SURVIVOR, damnit, and I will get through this. 

So, I continue face forward as best as I can, taking it one day at a time, and trying to look back with fond memories and not sadness.

Given that winter is now upon us in Beijing, and we had our first snowfall yesterday, beating down the blues just got a little more complicated! I FREAKING HATE THE COLD! The pollution is worse in the winter, too, given the coal factories are now fired up.  The nation's heat was turned on November 15th. Now we have dark, cold, polluted days... 'nough said.

It only dampens my spirits further.

Two weekends ago, Eric had organized a surprise birthday party for his wife, Alejandra.  I really have not done any 'social group activity' since, well, since I returned from Momma's funeral.  I have not felt up to socializing.  I do okay most days at work now, until the first person asks me how I am doing... then I am reduced to a puddle of tears at the thought of really not being okay at all.  To save everyone the awkward uncomfortableness, I simply have stayed home, away from social gatherings. I prefer it that way.  I have both hated, yet needed, this 'alone time.'

Well, the sun shone brightly that Saturday morning, so I decided I really needed to make myself go out. Some of my dearest Beijing friends were going to be there, and I knew that being among them would be food for my soul. Besides, the plan was to attend an exquisite brunch for the birthday girl, and I really am not one to turn down a delicious brunch. (Mimosa?! Yes, please ;)

These two lovelies...Duong, my Vietnamese sweetheart,
and Alejandra, my Honduran chica...they will always hold
a special place in my heart for being there for me on the
worst day of my life.  We were all newbies to Beijing
nearly three years ago, and bonded on our first day here.
Happiest of Birthdays, Ale, you are soooo loved!

Eric planned a special brunch for the birthday girl at Miga's
in Sunlitun, on the east side of Beijing.  It was fabulous!

Did someone say, "Mimosa?" Why, thank you!

I am so privileged to work with the most incredible people, from
all over the world... represented here is Canada, Mexico, Myanmar,
Thailand, Scotland, Philippines, Puerto Rico, Honduras, Vietnam,
and the good ol' U S of A- including a fellow Hoosier!
I am so richly blessed to know and work with these folks :)

The birthday girl is deserving of much love <3

Four of us girls decided to do a little retail therapy, while the rest
moved the party elsewhere. This is Carlos, Ale, and Jade.  I <3 them.

After we finished shopping at H&M and UniQlo (I scored on the clearance racks with two pairs of pants and a sweater for under $20!), Duong and I decided to head back across town.  Neither of us needed to party, we thought it best to quit while we were ahead. (or so I thought.)  We boarded the subway, and as I stepped on to the first train, I made eye contact with a local man that was seated. It wasn't the usual stares I get for being a green-eyed laowai. It was a split second intuitive feeling that didn't sit well with me.  I dismissed it, turned my back to him, and Duong and I were happily engaged in conversation about our sweet shopping deals.   

At the first stop, the train had been sitting for several seconds while passengers exited.  Once that crowd cleared, the rush of oncoming passengers began.  Out the corner of my eye, I see a man pushing through the oncoming passengers to exit.  This was unusual behavior, as the Chinese are typically pretty orderly exiting on and off the train- there is a 'system' here.  Again, it was a split second twinge in my gut, but I once again, quickly dismissed it.  I noticed the seat behind me was now empty, and I asked Duong if she wanted to take it.  Long story short, we got back home at about 6:30pm after a full day of eating, socializing, and shopping.  I was pooped.  I fell in to bed without eating dinner; I was physically exhausted from all the socializing, and I was still full from brunch.

The next day was Sunday, and I intended to go to church.  The pollution had climbed overnight, and the air quality was putrid, so I decided to stay in all day.  After a full day of tending to grading, lesson planning, laundry and chores, I wanted to go out and pick up a few things from the grocery.  I got dressed and ready to go, put on my winter coat, hat, and mittens, picked up my purse....

...and something didn't feel right.

I looked inside, and my big red leather wallet WAS GONE.

I tore through my backpack, shopping bags, checked my desk, coffee table and kitchen table.  Given that I have a wee little cozy apartment, there weren't too many places to look.  Still I combed my entire place four times, with panic rising with each passing minute.  With the exception of my passport, my entire life was in that wallet- my China bank card, two USA bank cards, three credit cards, my insurance cards, my Florida driver's license, social security card, voter's registration card, my scuba diving card, and ALL of my Chinese utility cards (paying utilities here in China is a complicated affair). This was a DISASTER.

I spent all of Sunday evening on my laptop, trying to lock all of my cards.  Many of them required me calling an 800 number.  That in and of itself is a ridiculous challenge from halfway across the world, complicated by a 13 hour time difference. My options for phone calls are Skype or Google calls. Often times the connection is lousy, the receiving end can't hear you, and the calls repeatedly drop. It can take a handful of calls just to transact one item of business.  On any given day it is super stressful taking care of business items back home from this far away. I was already a stressball trying to deal with it all, given the circumstances of a missing wallet. More than three hours later, I had my accounts locked down on hold.  I also had to decide whether to pursue getting at least one new credit card issued.  I am flying to Cambodia for Christmas, and needed at least one working card for travel- that's a $60 Fed Ex charge. I just couldn't believe all of this was happening to me.  It was more than my brain and emotional self could handle. I was in total meltdown mode.

I talked to Len multiple times that night.  His logical self talked me off the edge several times.  The fact that none of my cards had been used in over 24 hours gave him hope that my wallet would be recovered.  I did not share in that hope.  I live in a city of 23+ million people.  There was NOTHING in that wallet that tied me to Beijing...not my school ID card, my apartment address, my phone number...nothing. I figured my wallet was stolen by the strange man on the subway, which was clear on the east side of Beijing, 90 minutes from where I live.  You see, foreigners can stay in Beijing for up to 72 hours without having a Visa or registering with the police. If my wallet was found, I could have been a laowai traveler, lost in the wind.  My registrations are all tied to my passport number, and I thankfully had that on me. So even if my wallet was recovered, it would be impossible to trace it back to the local police station on my side of the city without a passport number.  Finding me would be literally like finding a needle in a haystack. I was quite certain that my wallet was GONE for good.

After hours on the phone with card companies and Len, it was now after midnight my Sunday night, and I had to get up for school in less than six hours.  I couldn't sleep; I was on the verge of a total emotional meltdown, so despairing.  I did the only thing I knew to do in times like this.  I prayed.  I mean I PRAYED WITHOUT CEASING until nearly 4am. God had delivered me a miracle once before in my life, and I escaped kidney cancer.  I needed a miracle like that again.

My alarm went off after a two hour nap, and I drug my wrecked self to work.  I went directly to HR who helped me freeze my local bank account.  I had some US cash in my apartment that she took to the bank to exchange for me while I taught my morning classes- at least I would have enough rmb's to get me through the week, and all of my utilities in my apartment were charged up. I had to tell myself that I was okay for the time being. I felt anything but okay :(

Mid-morning I was sitting at my desk. 

It was between classes and my cell phone rang.  

It was Dr. Bei Dong. 

She is my family physician, and has become a trusted friend here.  She frequently calls just to check on me, as she knows this fall has been rough.  I was happy to hear from her.  She had called about a week and a half before to tell me that she would be out of the office for a week- she and her husband were taking a vacation in Thailand.  I thought she was calling to tell me she was back.  I answered, "Hey, Dr. Dong! How was Thailand?!"  She replied, "It was great, but that's not why I am calling. Did you lose your wallet?"

Say, what?!  

Dr. Dong is almost another hour north of me, two hours from where my wallet had been stolen, how could she possibly know that?!

As it turned out, the thief on the subway took my cash, then walked my wallet to the police at the next subway stop.  He turned it in as a "Good Samaritan".  The police looked through my wallet and could not read anything, it was all in English.  By Monday morning shift change, another policeman coming on duty saw my wallet left in the communications room, and rifled through it again, looking for anything that might be useful in locating me.  Tucked behind some other business cards was an appointment card from Dr. Dong's office from over a year ago.  The card was in Chinese and English, so the police man called the Wudaokou clinic Monday morning, asked to speak to Dr Dong, and he spelled my name to her.  Minutes later, she was calling me with the news.

IT WAS THE MIRACLE I PRAYED FOR!!!

She and I both cried with happiness on the phone.  She knew how difficult life has been for me as of late, and this was an answer to prayer that I desperately needed.  My HR person called the police at the subway stop, gave them my information and phone number, and told them I would come after school before 5pm to pick up my wallet.

After my last class, I trekked all the way back across town, and arrived at the Hujialou stop just before 5:00pm.  I walked up to the first security officer I saw. They must have all been informed and were waiting for me.  I was greeted like a long lost friend, and true to the Chinese, I was carefully passed through several police officers as I was escorted through the subway station- to the belly and bowels of the Beijing metro.  It was quite scary and intimidating to be walking through a labyrinth of concrete dimly lit corridors, flanked by grey, steel doors.  It looked like something out of a movie set, the 'Communist China' one conjures up in their mind.  Occasionally another policeman would pass by my escort and me, but they were all business and no smiles.  We were in a maze of hallways and doors, deep below the surface of the city.  It was creepy.

Soon we passed through a steel door and entered a brightly lit communications center.  There must have been 30 security televisions that were monitoring the subway, and several officers were seated watching the screens. There my wallet was, laying on the desk of this 'command center'.  They all hopped up from their seats, greeted me with a bow, and presented my wallet to me with two open hands- like the precious gift that it was. Through a chittering of Mandarin and a game of charades, they tried to explain to me that all the cash was gone, but to please check my belongings. I didn't care about the cash, (about 1800 rmbs, $260, is over a month's wages for a local). The second miracle of the day was that every single card was THERE!  I started crying happy tears of relief; I couldn't help myself. What a harrowing 24 hours I had just been through.  They could tell I was happy, and they all started slapping themselves on the back for a job well done.  They bowed repeatedly, I bowed repeatedly, then asked if I could have a selfie with them.

Their mood immediately turned sober, and it was back to business as usual.  I was politely told, "No", was waved off, and escorted back out.  

Eh, it was worth a try!

But when I got back home, I couldn't resist!

As a Believer, it was not a coincidence to me

that the Bible verse of the day that came up

on my phone was from 2 Corinthians 9:6-15, 

the parable of what you sow, you shall also reap.

This was a lesson my momma preached to me

many, many times throughout my life- to

be mindful to sow 'good seeds' in the world.

In coming to China, I have really tried to

live that earnestly- to be kind and generous

to all people I encounter in my life here. I

know in my heart of hearts I have made a

positive impact in the lives of many during my

time here, and not just with my students.

I reaped those good seeds today- tenfold!

Thanks be to God!!!

On the subway ride home, with my wallet safely tucked
in my purse, I felt such a genuine peace and happiness. I
have not experienced that in months, in this fog of grief
and depression I have been living in. I decided to celebrate,
so I opened the one jar of homemade sauerkraut that my
bestie, Wanetta, brought to me when she came to visit
Beijing after my return from Momma's funeral. Today
was definitely a day worth celebrating.  The brats,
sauerkraut, and mashed potatoes never tasted so good!
It was a meal my sweet Grandma and I loved to share
(no one else in my family likes sauerkraut) so I
allowed myself to be bathed in good memories for
a change, and I seriously smiled with every bite :)))

I'm trying to work my way back the happiest girl in China.

With God's infinite grace, it's one day at a time.

G'nite, y'all!