As an educator, it has breathed new life in my passion for psychology. To be able to educate Easterners about psychology has really been an effort in demystifying this field of study. Psychology is very much misunderstood in this part of the world, but after having been here for nearly three years, I can honestly say I have made significant strides in the BNDS community of students, parents, and administrators! My class enrollment has tripled, and I have lost count of the number of graduates who are pursuing Psychology as their college major. That alone will be my one great take away from this experience when I leave at the end of this school year.
Yep, you read that right.
I am ready to come home.
I will be back on US soil for good July 2017. I am excited for this next chapter of my life, especially with a new home, a new sailboat, and Len to come home to. Being in China for three years has financially afforded me the opportunity to own a home and sailboat debt free, and to sock some more funds away for retirement. That's the second take away, the sacrifices that were made for the overall financial gain. I would not be where I am financially had I not 'jumped ship' as an adjunct professor of higher education in the US, into the world of international education.
Another huge take away, is how I have grown personally.
I FEEL it in my bones.
Quite literally.
I have made some pretty big mistakes in my life, made some bad decisions, hurt some people I love deeply...but spending three years alone, in my own head, and with my own company for the vast majority of that time, I have had more than my fair share of 'coming to Jesus' moments. My faith is stronger than ever. I have forgiven myself. I have found a way to love myself again, in all of my wrinkles and imperfections. I hold my head higher than I ever have before in my life. It brings me to tears, to have this new found peace. I have spent so much of my life filled with angst, over so many things (parenting, career, body image, friendships, failed marriages), at 53 years old, I am FINALLY ready, willing, and able to let all of that shit go.
I hope it is once and for all. In forgiving myself and truly loving myself, I find that I am so excited to get home.....I am excited for the opportunity to love on others- the people who mean so very much to me in my life. You know who you are <3
Another take away from this experience in China, is how CONFIDENT and ADAPTABLE I have become... to whatever situation and surroundings I find myself in. It truly is remarkable. I was the ultimate control freak. I pretty much resisted change. I had a lousy sense of direction (I always relied on my husband for that) However, living in a city of 24 million will beat that out of you for sure! While I may sometimes get frustrated with my present situation or circumstance (shitting on the sidewalks, really, is that necessary?!) all in all, my response is to shake my head, smile, and laugh. I have laughed more here in China, sometimes because "the Chinese Way" seems so unbelievably absurd to me, it is why I have often signed off my blogs with "the happiest girl in China". Most days I really feel that way.
Except for when I don't.
In the last three years here, I have faced down the darkest moments of my life. My divorce and move to China has still left me estranged from two of my stepchildren whom I love deeply. In my heart, I was their mother for nineteen years. We have nearly a generation of memories in our treasure chest. This estrangement has brought me to my knees many times. I can only continue to pray that perhaps one day all the good memories, the hands-on parenting, the love and support I freely gave to them, will account for something. One day I hope those really good years will outweigh the final months leading up to my leaving their dad. Until then, I have had to accept that this is one is out of my control. Perhaps one day we can speak again. Until that day comes, I know my love for them will not move an inch. <3
This darkness came with me to China, and I have had to dig my way out.
I am getting there.
One day at a time.
During my first year here, I lost the first most important woman in the world to me- my nearly 102 year old Grandma died in March 2015. She was my EVERYTHING. While her death was inevitable, I was still so incredibly sad in my grief. Some days my grief for her still can catch me unaware.
Grandma modeled so many things to me. She passed on so many traditions. She taught me so much. We had a special bond; she and I were incredibly 'in tune' with one another, as was my momma and I. I miss that intuitive connection.
Grandma taught me to cook.
She taught me to dance.
She taught me the value of hard work.
She taught me the importance of a clean home.
She taught me the importance of making birthdays special.
She taught me you can work full time and still damn near do it ALL at home,
because she taught me you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to (China has reinforced that :)
She taught me to have a 'big gift', a special one, to be opened last on Christmas day.
She me how to make sugar pies, straight from the farm, which my kids love to this day.
She taught me the value of a good margarita!
She taught me the importance of laughter, and when you've lost your sense of humor you're really in trouble!
She taught me to swim, and to love the water- any body of water- a river, a lake, the open ocean. We shared that love of the water.
She taught me the wonderment and excitement of seeing a white tail deer in the woods.
She taught me how to hunt for morel mushrooms.
She taught me to thank God for every sunset, and to thank Him again for every sunrise.
She taught me that every new day is a do-over, to try to do better, to be better.
She taught me to never go to bed angry, and though I have struggled with this one at times in my life- I do know the value and importance of it.
She taught me to explore- the woods, the beach, the back roads, the world. We both have an incredible wanderlust. We both just love to see, or experience or try something new.
It never gets old.
This past September, just three weeks after I returned for the start of this school year, I lost the second most important person in the world to me...my beloved momma, whose love for me was like no other. Some days it is still a crippling grief, but in spite of the recent horrific pollution in Beijing, I am beginning to see the light of day. I have so many thoughts and life lessons learned from my special momma, but honestly, at the moment I do not want to share them here.
They are sacred to me.
And it is still too soon.
But this brings me to another life lesson I take with me from this China experience...
While I was always the travel planner in our family, the 'Recreation Coordinator' for our vacations... my travel planning skillz have catapulted! I can literally move about the ENTIRE WORLD WITH EASE now.
Language barriers,
Cultural differences,
Mega cities,
Every mode of transportation possible,
New foods,
All of it is ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM!!!
And I freakin' love it :)))
I received a book from my estranged step-daughter, Carissa, many years ago called, "10,000 Places to See Before You Die." I packed it in my suitcase when I moved to China. I have no idea how many places I have ticked off in the last three years....I have literally lost count....and yet, my "Too See" list just keeps growing :)
And THAT brings me to the last two weeks...
From December 17th through January 2nd, (and yes, there were some work days in there) I have traveled to Guilin, South China, Siem Reap, Cambodia, and Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
I am a happy kind of exhausted as this semester winds down:)
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| If ever I have as little as three days off, I scour my 'go to' websites, book a plane ticket, a train ticket, or a ferry- book accommodation somewhere- and figure out the rest when I arrive. I flew overnight on Friday, December 30th from Beijing, and woke up in the morning in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Catching an express train ride and exchanging to the local subway, I landed within spitting distance of my hotel for the next two nights. Piece. of. Cake. |
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| Thankfully I landed in the right coach on the train! I find myself in another part of the world once again- this one predominately Islamic. I was looking forward to visiting the National Mosque :) |
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| And it took all of .75 seconds for me to break a rule! No I was not playing kissy-face on the train; I happened to be chewing gum. |
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| Definitely not in Kansas anymore :) |
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| Apparently the Malaysians like to grab laowais for a photo op like the Chinese do- these British lads were accosted at the entrance to Batu Caves, LOL. |
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| On the advice of my friend, John, Batu Caves was on my list of things to see. I dropped my backpack at my hotel, changed in to shorts (it was 31c and humid- Hooray!) and I found a train that ended at Batu Caves. This was my view as I stepped in to the park- WOW! It is a popular Hindu shrine located within a limestone cave system. |
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| Only 273 steps to the top :) |
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| John warned me about the Macaque monkeys that would try to get in your backpack to steal your water bottle or snacks! |
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| This little baby one was so pleased with himself- he had just stolen a banana from a bigger monkey! |
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| Slow down, buddy! He cracked me up :))) |
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| In all of these pics, I was THIS CLOSE...even to the momma and nursing baby....so sweet. |
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| The monkeys made the climb up the stairs interesting, and less tiring. Did I say it was HOT?! and HUMID?! Oh. my. stars. My body was not used to the change in temp! |
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| But when I looked up to the entrance of the first cave, Amazing! |
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| Seeing how little the people look, you can get a perspective on how massive this cave is! |
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| I couldn't help but giggle as I stepped out of the cave.... Today is New Year's Eve, and I nearly stepped on a rooster. I didn't see any roosters on the trek up, only monkeys. 2016 is the Chinese year of the monkey. 2017 is the Chinese year of the rooster. Oh, the irony of it all :))) |
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| I got a beautiful view of the city from the top of the hill. It was a lot of steps down! |
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| What an impressive place- so glad I went. Thanks for the tip, John! |
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| Back on the train I went, down to KL Sentral, where I found another train that would take me to the Petronas Towers... |
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| ...the iconic image of downtown Kuala Lumpur! |
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| I FOUND IT! |
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| Menara Petronas remain the tallest twin towers in the world, at 88 stories high. |
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| You can visit the Sky Bridge for a fee, but tickets sell out quickly, and you can only stay on the platform for 10 minutes. |
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| I chose to take a walk around the beautiful city park instead- situated right at the base of the Towers. |
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| They were setting up for a New Year's Eve concert that evening. |
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| They had quite the stage! I was able to find out that Azharina Azhar was the headliner, with Harris Baba, and an a cappella group called Colour of Voices performing. There was also a fashion show planned,too. I wondered if New Year's Rockin' Eve was cutting away for a segment from KL? |
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| I 'heard' the fireworks show was spectacular....I was not at all interested in fighting the crowd to bring in the New Year alone. |
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| After a delicious dinner of shepherd's pie and mash at Harrod's in the Towers, I treated myself to the most ridiculously delicious doughnuts I have ever eaten. I then curled up with a good book in my room and called it a night :) |
Happy New Year, y'all!!!
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