In the last few weeks, choosing happiness has been more difficult to come by. I refuse to give in to this sinking feeling, but it has reduced me to tears more often than not. I think it is a combination of several factors that are converging....Thanksgiving marks the start of another holiday season, one which causes me to be apart from my children and grandchildren once again. I know; it was my choice to take a job and move to China, and choices come with consequences. Sometimes those consequences are painful ones. As I mentioned, I miss my grandmother who is no longer with me. Besides my own children and grandchildren, I miss my momma, my brother, my niece and her family. These are my people, who know me best and love me most. I am homesick for them.
I am missing my Len, too. Thankfully he arrives this coming Friday for a 41 day stay here in the 'jing- Praise Jesus!
Adding to my sorry state is the fact that I hate the winter months. More to the fact, I hate to be cold. It is now winter here in the 'jing, and it has been bitterly COLD so far. I am back to wearing under layers, mittens, scarves, boots, hats, double jackets, and still I am cold. I hate it. Add to this misery is that I go to work in the dark, and come home in the dark. During the day, I look out my classroom window to skies that are gray, and more often than not, they are heavily polluted.
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| It's been positively choking air the last several days...AQI up over 500 and 600. This was on the way to lunch and it was 598. You couldn't even see the buildings less than half a block away. By mid afternoon it peaked at 620. My friend brought an 'egg' in to my room which is a digital readout AQI, and with the windows and doors closed, it was still 308 in my classroom! WHO says to wear a mask over 200, as that is considered 'severely polluted' and 'hazardous to your health'. I taught with a mask on :( |
So I add a much needed mask to my daily outerwear, and it begins to feel like most things in China right now just plain SUCK. The sinking feeling I have been fighting feels a bit like seasonal affective disorder. I would love to be on a warm sunny beach somewhere, this girlie definitely needs some sunshine! Shoot, I would take some artificial UV light, but there isn't a tanning be to be found anywhere in the China- they bleach their skin here!
The good news is Len and I will be flying to the Maldives (off the southern coast of India and Sri Lanka) for a five day break over Christmas, then a quick weekend trip to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, over New Year's. I just need to hang in here a little while longer, sunshine will come my way soon.
In spite of my usual sunny disposition, there are a few things I hate in this world. One I have already mentioned, and that is I hate to be cold. Beyond that, I hate violence, I hate stupid drunken behavior, and I hate crying. All three of these are closely intertwined to issues in my past. Most days I feel like the past is where it should be- in the past- yet sometimes the stars align, s**t happens, and something breaks inside of me. This happened on Saturday night.
Let me back up to happier moments leading up to that...
Starting on Thanksgiving, it was a three day run of eating out and overindulgence....
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| Twenty two of my closest friends and colleagues had dinner reservations at Lilly's American Diner up in Sunlitun. Key Largo Robert brought paper turkeys to decorate our dinner table, lol. |
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| Good friends, good food, good wine, and paper turkeys will temporarily brighten anyone's mood. |
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| I seriously broke out in to the biggest grin when this Thanksgiving dinner plate was placed in front of me. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. It was THAT GOOD, y'all. (Ok, truthfully not as good as a Thanksgiving feast like I would prepare back home, but you have to measure it against China standards!) |
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| You simply can't beat homemade pumpkin pie with whipped topping for dessert- delish :) |
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| As if we didn't get our fill the night before, Eric, Alejandra and I went to a new pizza place that is only two subway stops from home. It was Friday Night Pizza Night and Oh. My. Goodness. I will never venture to the far east side (an hour's subway ride away) for a decent pizza ever again. I can't wait to take Len here. |
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| And if THAT wasn't enough, Xalapa's, one of my favorite Mexican restaurants, (in a cool hutong) was having an all you can eat buffet with free flowing margaritas- why, yes- please! Another 24 of us gathered for a family dinner out. |
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| My friends, Kevin and his wife Laura. He is originally from Indiana, but has been living for years in McAllen, Texas, where my grandmother lived and was buried this past spring. I spent many vacations in the Rio Grande Valley. Small world, huh? |
Three nights of social gatherings and eating out, and I was done in. By 8pm Saturday, three of my friends and I decided to cut out after the Mexican dinner and call it an early night. Rather than take the subway home, we decided to hail a cab together. That was our first mistake. We exited the hutong, and crossed the busy street, where a cab was pulled over, letting out some Chinese men. As we approached the cab to see if he would take us across town, it became apparent that they were five VERY DRUNK Chinese men. Two of the men were nearly falling down, and were being propped up by their buddies. I try to avoid drunks at all costs, so I put my head down, and walked toward the back of the cab. For some reason, totally unprovoked, one of the falling down drunks put his hand on my female friend's face and pushed her. She backed up, I back up, and we just looked at him in disbelief. I said to her, "He's totally drunk, let's just get in the cab."
Naturally, and expectedly, my friend's husband yelled to the man, "Don't touch my wife!" "What's wrong with you?" "Don't ever put your hands on my wife!" His buddy put an arm out, to hold the husband back as he was yelling, and the drunk started yelling in return. The buddy pushed the husband (my friend) in the chest, and then the fight was on. The wife and I got in the car, and yelled for our two men to get in the car with us. It wasn't happening. Total chaos and pandemonium broke out. Now the husband had the man who hit his wife in a head lock on the ground. He says to the man, "Are you done? You Ok? If you're ok, I'll let you up." The drunk man said, "Ok, Ok, Ok." They shook hands, and all seemed fine. He got in the back seat with us girls, and started to shut the door. Meanwhile, the other male friend was getting beat on by several Chinese men. He made it to the front seat of the cab, but could not shut the door. By the time he got in the cab, a screaming crowd had gathered. Men were hitting and kicking my friend in the front seat. He could not shut the door. The cabbie was trying to push my friend back out of the car! We wanted him to just drive, but he couldn't with the passenger door open. Now the crowd was converging on the cab, and our cabbie jumped out. My friend sitting next to me yelled for us to lock the doors. Before he could get his locked, his door was opened, and two men grabbed him and pulled him out of the cab for round two. I was sitting next to him, and when that happened, I got hysterical. All the while random men continued to scream and yell, reaching in through the passenger front side, and kicking my friend. The wife and I were powerless in the back seat. This went on for about ten minutes. The husband got away a second time, jumped back in the car, and eventually my friend in the front seat was able to push the men away and get his front door closed. We locked all the doors and waited. I was crying hysterically. It was like a mob mentality, people not even involved in the original altercation were jumping in and taking shots. People were slamming the car roof, smacking the windows, pushing on the car, and grabbing at the door handles. I. LOST. IT.
We kept trying to call 119- thinking that was the Chinese version of 911. After multiple tries, someone in broken English said it was the fire department. We tried 114, and got a recording. Then we heard the sirens coming. Thank goodness the police had arrived- or so we thought. (It turns out, if you have an emergency in China, dial 110- good to know). They parted the angry crowd and escorted us to two police cars to transport us to the station. The other police stayed behind to deal with the drunk men and the incited crowd of onlookers (and participants).
The long and the short of it is we were detained in a room at the police station for over nine hours, while they conducted their investigation. The five drunks were taken to the hospital to be checked. One required four stitches in his head. Our friend in the front seat, who got the worst of it, was also taken to the hospital to be examined. Lots of bruises, several scrapes, a bloodied lip, broken glasses, and a very sore shoulder, though they could not say it was a torn rotater cuff on the CT scan. After two and a half hours of waiting, and being given no information after they took our initial statements, we called our school liason to come help translate for us. In the States, you couldn't be held if you weren't being charged with anything, but this is China, not the States, and things are done VERY differently. After three hours, I called the US Embassy, to see if they could intervene on our behalf. We had been attacked, it was unprovoked. It led to an altercation what was out of self defense. The Embassy called the police station three times, and were told they were "not authorized to speak to the Embassy" and hung up. The Embassy called me back to tell me they tried, and that we simply needed to wait it out to see what developed. Unless they put us in handcuffs or jail, there was little they could do. Great.
By 4am, I was completely done in. My blood pressure was sky high, I could tell by the intense headache I had. I have hypertension, and take medicine at bedtime....I should have had my medicine seven hours prior. It didn't matter. I wasn't going anywhere. I was trembling head to foot, teeth chattering. I wasn't cold. My nerves were shot. I was scared, and I was exhausted.
By 5am, the "compromising" (as they called it) began. We had two opportunities to reach a compromise with the other parties, otherwise, legal action would be taken. We said we had no intention of filing any charges, we simply wanted to go home. We offered to cover any medical expenses that were over and above our friend's hospital bill as compensation. The police then took our "compromise" to the others. There was lots of shouting, and we waited. They came back saying they wanted 5000rmb. Four of the men wanted nothing. The one who got four stitches wanted the money. The police said that amount was not altogether unreasonable since he was 'most hurt.'
So in China, it doesn't matter who started it, it doesn't matter what stories are told, or what evidence is presented, the one most hurt is the 'victim' and he deserves to be compensated. I got hysterical all over again. To the three Chinese teachers from our school I cried, "This is extortion! Because his wounds require stitches, HE'S the victim? I don't have any bruises, but I have been an emotional wreck for over 8 hours, the stress and anxiety has me shaking all over. I have a raging headache. I doubt I'll be able to sleep. I likely will have nightmares about this, as I have never been involved in an angry mob scene like I was that night. I screamed you have NO IDEA how frightening it is to be a single woman surrounded by 100 screaming aggressive Chinese, in a country not my own, a language I do not speak, where I had done NOTHING to these people, and yet they were trying to break in to the car, grabbing at my door handle and smacking my windows to do what to me??? And I am not a victim here?! This is total bullshit." One female Chinese teacher tried to hug me after my rant, I backed away and said, "Please, I am asking you, do not touch me right now." I was completely undone.
And then, it was calmly explained to me again that this was the Chinese way. It didn't matter who was most hurt, it didn't matter if it was extortion, what mattered was keeping my friends out of jail, or worse. We said 5000rmb is too much. We got in our wallets and purses to see how much money we had. We didn't even have 2000rmb on us between the four of us. Our Chinese teacher friends offered up 300rmb of their own, and we told the police, "2000rmb is all we have. That's all we can offer."
Another hour later, they took it.
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| They then typed up these statements, one for each of us, saying that we agreed to not press charges, and we agreed to pay the victim 2000rmb. At least I think that's what it said, as it was naturally in Mandarin. We each wrote the words "I agree", and placed a red ink thumbprint over our signature, and over the words "I agree." Almost 9 1/2 hours later, as the sun was coming up, we were free to go home. |
I came home, took my medicine, took a long hot shower, and called Len to recant the whole ordeal. I was still terribly upset, over the violence displayed by simple pedestrians who were not involved. I was upset that the police do not offer any protection. (I later learned from my doctor, that the police are the LAST people you call if you are in trouble. You must have the proper connections if ever something bad happens to you. I now have those connections.) I was upset that I have been living here for 1.5 years, and I didn't know to call 110. I was upset to be around any kind of stupid drunken behavior. Given my childhood, I do not deal with drunks well at all. I make a point to seldom be around it. I'll enjoy a good margarita now and then, but I am not one to be out clubbing until the bars close down. I will go out with my friends, but I am generally home by 10pm, if not sooner. I'm too old for that shit. I just don't need it in my life.
I was most upset that feeling safe, and feeling respected, and even feeling wanted here was nothing more than an illusion. It was eye opening and disheartening to discover a deep seated hate toward foreigners here in China.
I slept just three fitful hours on Sunday, and I got back up. I tried working on my lesson plans. I did laundry and dishes and tried to busy myself. I built a puzzle, read a magazine, listened to music, lit candles, and cried off and on the whole day and evening through. By Sunday night, I knew I was in no shape to return to work. I needed time to process it all. I didn't want to face people at school and have people asking me, "What happened?" I didn't want to be the object of high school gossip, and I didn't want sympathetic stares, or what I perceived to be empty platitudes from my Chinese colleagues. I wanted to be left the ef alone. This whole experience struck a very deep seated nerve with me....one tied in to booze and aggression and violence. It affected me far beyond the incident itself, and I needed time to put myself back together. I came to China to leave many things in my past behind. I wanted a fresh start, a new lease on life, to choose happy. In one scary moment, my past followed me here and caught up to me in a very big way.
On Monday, I saw Dr. Dong, my family physician. She's wonderful. Beyond wonderful. She held my hands, and she let me spill out all of my ugly thoughts and feelings- much of that ugliness directed at 'her people' and 'her country'. She then told me stories, ugly stories of her people and her country, situations that have happened to her, and her family. We cried together. I feel sad for her. One day I will leave China. She cannot, and she wants nothing more than to come back to America to raise her family and practice medicine. That hurts my heart, that she does not have that freedom. She has been to America; she went to med school in America. She went bass fishing on Kentucky Lake. She has been told by her country that she will never again be allowed to leave, and the US will never issue a visa for her or members of her family, for reasons she does not clearly understand. Somebody, somewhere can decide a Chinese person's fate, and that is that. She told me when she and her husband get discouraged, they hold each other in bed, and talk about the beautiful memories they have of fishing on Kentucky Lake. She said to survive China, you simply put your head down, and accept your lot in life. For the vast majority of the Chinese, their lot in life is not good. Only a small percentage are 'refined' as my doctor told me- who have the intelligence, work ethic, money and opportunity to become successful. Even then, unless they are 'connected', life can still be very difficult and unfair. For the better part of this 1.4 billion population, they eek out a living, are paid very low wages, are uneducated, and many are depressed and oppressed.
Those are the ones who get drunk, do bad things, and try to get money out of some one else who has it better than they do, she explained.
And then my Buddhist doctor did the most beautiful thing. She asked if she could pray for me. She said she wasn't very good at it, but she knows I am a believer, and she believes God does hear our prayers. I knew Dr. Dong was not only my doctor, but a valuable and trusted friend. She was there for me in all the ways I needed her to be, without my even asking.
As I left her office, with some medicine in hand to hopefully help me sleep a little better, I stepped out in to sh***y air once again and put on my mask. In the two hours I had been at the doctor's office, the AQI had climbed to nearly 500. China was still looking ugly to me, but the people were not ugly. I do feel empathy for them, and I refuse to be a victim one minute longer. My faith was restored.
G'nite, y'all.
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