Day 170 I will always look for fish

I left Beijing on January 28th, for a whirlwind trip to the States to see my family and friends. I am already halfway through my vacation, and I have covered thousands of miles along the way.  I have been all over my home state of Indiana, and made a quick run to Arkansas and back to see my youngest daughter.  For the first two weeks of my February vacation, I dealt with the cold, snow, and ice, as I made the rounds.

I had a beautiful spring like day in Arkansas, where I got to go on a hike in the woods.  I got to watch my youngest daughter do a 'live shot' of news reporting at the station where she is employed.  I got to celebrate a belated Christmas with three of my kids and grandkids.  I got to hold my newborn granddaughter.  I got to savor being in the comfort of my mother's arms, once again. I got to hold the hand of my nearly 102 year old grandmother. I got to sit in a high school gymnasium to watch my brother coach his high school basketball team.  So many years of my life have been spent in high school gymnasiums- I am a Hoosier, after all ;)

I got to enjoy all the Western foods I have been missing, and I got to feed my family some 'down home cookin', which I dearly love to do.  I visited with my three closest friends, Susan, Wanetta, and Sue, and I had a reassuring consultation with my kidney specialist.  The last order of business in Indiana was to file my tax return, then I was up in the air on a plane yet again...

There's nothing like that final leg of the journey, from Miami to Key West.
I love watching the Keys and looking for boats, from my window seat on the plane.

So, I have been in the Florida Keys for several days already, and it didn't take me long to remember why I love it down here.  I will admit, it has been very different this time around, particularly since I am here this time of year.  For the past four winter seasons, The Keys/Marquesa/Captain Donnie have all been synonymous to each other.   This winter, I am no longer married.  I no longer have my sailboat, Marquesa, with me.  Yes, it is very different now.  Moving to China and flipping my world upside down, has been a lot for me to process. But, by God, I'm still standing!  And most days I am still smiling :)

Having my morning Cuban coffee, and looking out over the Gulf of Mexico, as I have done hundreds of times before, has put me in a reflective mood.  As I look out over the water, and as I look down in to the water, I continue to work through being okay with myself yet again.  Later that morning, it was brought to my attention that I had spent an hour looking at some angelfish down in the water.  And in that same afternoon, as I was walking on the Long Key bridge, I stopped several times to peer over the railing to see if I could see more fish.

'More fish?!', I was asked.

'Yes, I want to see if I can see more fish.'

And in a restless night that followed, I got up and wrote the following words...  (Unbeknownst to me at the time, when I reread those words the following morning, and as I looked through the photos I have taken on my iPhone since I left Beijing on 1/28- it would appear that many of my thoughts already had illustrations to accompany them from my photo album.  It's funny to me how life works like that.)

I will always look for fish.

I will always look at sunsets and sunrises when I am given the opportunity.
(the view from Long Key Bridge)

I will always smile when I see small children...
(my great niece and nephew, Addison and David who I
visited with in Indiana earlier this trip)

...or when I see animals...
(Bukka is smiling at me in return as we both look for fish :)

...or when I hold a baby in my arms.
(meet my newborn granddaughter, Marley :)

I will always stop to admire a full moon, or a star-filled night sky.  (The stars are gorgeous here in the Keys. Sadly, I don't see many star-filled night skies in Beijing.)

I will always love feeling the warmth of the sun on my body,

or the warmth of a campfire,

or the smell of wood smoke in my hair.

I will always look for the beauty in my surroundings...
(taken on a hike in Arkansas last week with my daughter
Ellie and her boyfriend, Brett.)

...because beauty can be found anywhere...

...and everywhere, if I am open to it.
(taken yesterday on Conch Key)

I will always thank a service man or woman in uniform for their service and sacrifice to me personally, and to my country.  (I thanked an entire unit at the Indianapolis airport the morning I left for Key West.  They were getting set to deploy to Kuwait.  God be with them all, I prayed a silent prayer.)

I will always look for the good.
(As we were out checking crab pots yesterday, I stopped
to admire the beautiful sky.  The clouds are called "mare's
tails", and to a sailor, it signifies that weather is on its way,
As predicted, it has been cold and rainy most of today.)

I will always put my head in a waterfall.  I don't just want
to see it; I want to experience it.
(This was taken in an icy waterfall last week in Arkansas.)

I will always need music in my life...
(This was taken on Valentine's Day, before Len played
at a birthday party here on Conch Key.)

...and I will always dance in the rain, even when there is no one for me to dance with.
(We girlies were dancing in my brother's living room a week or so ago- my sister
in law, Kathy, my niece, Kristal, and my grand niece, Addison :)

I will always get excited when I see a deer, or most other wild
creatures (snakes excluded!)
(This herd of elk was taken after our hike in Arkansas.)

By the same token, I will always feel a bit sad when I see an animal dead by the side of the road.

And God forbid, if I ever hit or kill an animal while I am driving, I will always feel sick to my stomach and heartbroken.  I remember how upset I was by the Filipino that hit the puppy in the Jeep we were riding in back in November.

I will always try to build another human being up, rather than tear them down.  There is enough ugliness in the world as it is; I don't need to contribute to it.  I am most disappointed in myself when I slip in to ugly, as I have in this past year.  

I always prefer to love, all kinds of love.

Why will I always?

Because, for me, each day I have is a precious gift to me.  I do not know when my time here is 'up.'

So, I don't want to live my life by simply 'going through the motions'.

I want to experience life, and these are a few of the experiences in life that make me smile and feel happy inside.

And because I choose happy, I will always look for fish.
(taken yesterday in Conch Key while we were out crabbin')

G'nite, y'all!